SomeMusings.com

What does this look like to you?

If you said “two nude lovers locked in a passionate embrace,” then, congratulations, your mind is as corrupt as mine.  If you said “eight dolphins leaping playfully out of the water,” then, please, stop reading my blog.

Supposedly, young children are unable to recognize erotic scenes.  Their minds make some sense of the image, and they have no reason to connect the dolphins.

No, I don’t know what scientist was sick enough to test that.

Anecdotally, I can tell you that I was sick enough to test it on Benjamin, my little(st) brother.   When I interrupted his lego-ing with the first sentence of this post, he slowly studied the image before responding with the last sentence of this post.

Ooops.

“That kind of looks like something. . . inappropriate.”

A friend and I were recently discussing the fallacy of many questions, a particularly nasty linguistic sleight of tongue.

For example, one cannot directly answer the question “Have you stopped beating your dog yet?” without sounding like Michael Vick, an incarcerated Michael Vick, or a dodgy politician with something to hide.

You can ask me how much Satan bought my soul for, but not until after you ask me if I sold my soul to Satan. And establish that Satan exists.

While discussing more subtle horrors that would fit into that snowclone, we made a discovery that I find rather puzzling. [Read more →]

I want to want to do everything that I do, and I want to do everything that I want.

It may seem like I cannot do everything that I want to do, but, by doing something, I prove that I wanted to do it.  If I didn’t want to do it, then why would I have done it?

In the entire universe, there is absolutely nothing that I have to do.  There is absolutely nothing that I must do.  There are only the things that I do.

If you want to believe that there are things that you must do, then go ahead and do it.  I want you to do what you want to do.  But I want to be unburdened from any must, should, or have to.  I want for everything that I do to be something that I want to do.

Sometimes to do something that I want, I must do something that I do not want.  But, if I really want to do something, then, really, I want to do what I must do to do it.

I want to procrastinate when I must do something, but why would I want to procrastinate if I want to do something?  I want to do everything that I want to do.

So, if you’ll excuse me, I want to go study for my class on Business Law.

I saw Wall-e last night.  It was downright inspirational.

I’m going to try to get into a romantic relationship by saying nothing but my name.

As you might know, in my last post I explained why I think that pro-regulation, anti-speculation environmentalists are either stupid or evil. I used Keith Olbermann as an example but mostly because his last name sounds like the breed of a noble dog that I never got to have as a child.

Now, environmentalists, let me be quite clear. I strongly suspect that most of you are not evil. 39 times out of 40, you’re probably just stupid. And, when I say “stupid,” know that I am comparing you to someone that has reasoned their way to a consistent political philosophy. To be fair, it’s not even that surprising. That much thinking requires a lot of time and energy, and there is very little to show for it outside of a personal satisfaction. It would be downright puzzling if the majority of Americans honestly and objectively invested their time and energy in such intellectual, philosophical pursuits.

Or, in less words, I don’t think of you as any more stupid than the average American.

Which doesn’t say much, but it does say exactly as much as I mean for it to say. It’s not that big of a deal though. If you didn’t have the power to vote, your stupidity wouldn’t even be worth pointing out.

But you do. So it is.

But, maybe I’m speaking too soon. [Read more →]

I like Keith Olbermann. I love his delivery and find him to be most excellent on civil liberties and deflating the threats of terrorism that have the majority of this country running around like a headless Chicken Little in the middle of a PCP-induced, schizophrenic breakdown.

I may disagree with Olbermann about a lot of things, but we both agree that the republicans suck. It is an excellent illustration of that age-old internet adage:”The enemy of my enemy is good for some lulz.”

[Read more →]

In my last post, I graphed the mathematical formula governing the social acceptability of age disparities in romantic relationships.  Not knowing how to live in moderation, I opened up that nifty graphing program and made a graph of my state’s statutory rape laws.  [Read more →]

Wikipedia may have the readability of a Newspeak-Tapioca pudding, but you have to love the topics it covers. For instance, did you know that there is a mathematical formula governing the social acceptability of age disparities in romantic relationships?

I checked, and Encyclopedia Britannica ain’t got diddle on the subject.

I’m an economics major. This means three things.

1. I have a sick fetish for the counter-intuitive.
2. When I grow up I’m going to be able to tell my parents why I’m unemployed with detailed charts, graphs, and multiple competing, contradictory theories.
3. I am legally and morally bound to graph every formula that I see.

For you, my readers.

For help reading this, I’ve included an example, pictures of Natalie Portman, and more after the fold. Hit the jump! [Read more →]

Lately, I’ve been trying to explain the success of this man.No matter how you feel about his politics, you have to admit that there’s something a little off about it. [Read more →]

I’m not a fan of meaningless sensations.

Me and my little brothers have been playing a lot of Halo since summer started. I try to work a life lesson into every game.

For instance, a couple nights ago I emptied a minigun into their unprepared ranks while yelling

POWER CORRUPTS!

POWER CORRUPTS!

ABSOLUTE POWER CORRUPTS ABSOLUTELY!!!

As I watched their callow, flaccid meatsacks flop pathetically to the fallow, unfeeling soil, I reflected on how fulfilling it is to teach.

Unfortunately, I find myself running out of life lessons to share. Last night I spouted anarcho-capitalistic propaganda like it was self-evident dogma. I might have to do that again tonight.

Unless you can help me.

I want my little brothers’ lives to be effective, efficient, and euphoric. I want them to not make any of the same mistakes that I make. I want them to be true thugs.

What do they need to hear? Think back to your childhood. What do you wish you would have heard? What do you wish that you would not have heard? What has allowed you to be truly thugtastic?

Think hard, and comment fast. The thugacity of my little brothers depends on it.